A quick post, something came up in my Facebook feed that really resonates.
It’s very easy to feed obligated to meet expectations, whether reasonable and achievable or not. Some people are far more instinctively directed to pleasing others, and find it so difficult to push back.
I love that meme. I spent too long at work this week, for a rapidly approaching deadline. On realising I just wasn’t going to make the deadline, or rather other people were not going to make their contributions on time to enable me to meet my deadline, I called in help from my manager.
That’s not easy for me to do, I like to be very self-sufficient and capable.
Within a day and a half, there were meetings held, status understood and the other contributors aligned with expectations. We still might not make the deadline, but now the load is understood and shared.
There is a school of psychology which categorises systems and ways of thinking, the Australian Institution’s website is here
Schemas are deep unconditional beliefs about oneself, one’s relationship to others and one’s relationship to the environment
I have been identified as strongly holding the following scheme;
- Unrelenting standards, and
- Approval seeking
Both of these make it very difficult for me to step away from a situation where a deadline will not be met ! This feeds into doing more hours, not taking time for exercise and rest, and self-sacrificing for the perceived better good.
When this all got too much this week, I called for help.
Ok this post got a bit longer than I’d intended, but I’m getting better (slowly) at pushing back on perceived obligations, and looking after myself and my recovery. It took a meltdown at work to make me get some clarity, and remember I’m no good to work if I’m sick.
6 hours healthy at work is better than 9 hours stressed and emotional followed by sofa time.