One hard part of this holiday is the realisation of how much strength and coordination the MS has taken from me. I find it hard to climb up and down from the bed, and to get into the far reaches of the car, or to leap to my feet on the paddle board is impossible. I have to rely on Andy so much for setting up camp, while I can sort out a lot I certainly can’t get the tent up on my own, or unhitch the trailer. Standing up on a paddle board is a challenge all in it’s own right !

This is different to the limitations of being short ! That I’ve always lived with, but this is different to my previous life, when I was strong and capable. It’s hard coming to terms with having to rely on other people, and feeling inadequate. No-one makes me feel inadequate, I can do that all on my own. 

I am one of the lucky ones, I’ve stopped the MS with the treatment, and am now slowly building up my coordination and strength. Where I’ll get to I have no idea, some of the real success stories have people going from my level of disability to no disability. I’ve said it before, I’m happy to have stopped the progression while still pretty capable and so thankful for the gains already made and the unknown gains in the future. I just have to remember that this is a slow, steady process, to an unknown end point.

Still, there is a sense of loss.

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