Grief & gratitude

The words of Trevor Wicken, who started and runs The MS Gym

“- It is OK to grieve the loss of who you once identified yourself to be.

– You are not weak, fragile, or defeated for allowing yourself to grieve.

– It is really hard to let go of the life you once envisioned for yourself and not compare yourself to your old self and what you “used to be able to do.”

– In order to step into your reality and move forward in your healing, you must RECEIVE the truth that you have MS.

-You must also receive the truth that you can heal.

– If you were diagnosed, went through many years with minimal symptoms, and THEN had MS mount its attack on you, it can be twice as hard because you thought you had it managed (it’s like getting diagnosed all over again).”

The grief at losing my hiking and kayaking at any level more than the most superficial has been far harder than I could have imagined. However, there’s a powerful balancing emotion.


  • For a morning of gentle white water kayaking, followed by lunch on the banks of the river with friends, discussing maintaining the momentum of Plastic Free July.
  • For the (very) occasional games that the Dockers win

  • On Friday, at very short notice, catching up with not one, but two girlfriends and sharing breakfast or mugs of tea with them.
  • For a rose wine in the fridge and a jigsaw waiting to be completed, for avocado and smoked salmon
  • For a neighbour who, unasked, brings my dustbins in every week
  • On a serious note, for an employer supportive of my upcoming AHSCT. Knowing there’s a job to come back to is an immense benefit
  • To be going to a hospital which consistently rates extremely highly and is very well regarded in the field, but also puts up signs like the one below up ! If you see the slight arithmetic issue, well you are a nerd like me 😆

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